If you're tired of intellectual concepts about masculine presence that sound great in theory but fall apart when you're actually with a woman, this conversation with Melanie Curtin is exactly what you need to hear. I brought her on because I know most men in our community have read about polarity, maybe even studied David Deida like I did in my mid-20s, but still struggle to embody authentic masculine energy when it actually counts. We explore what polarity really is beyond the buzzwords and why I had to completely rewire my nervous system to move from theory into practice in my own marriage.
We talked about the difference between understanding polarity intellectually versus practicing it in your nervous system. For years I could explain the concepts but couldn't bring masculine presence forward when it mattered. My attachment stuff would come out and I'd dissociate from my desire, especially once relationships felt secure. It took some serious training to shift that pattern in my marriage.
Melanie and I broke down the spectrum from reverse polarity (the most painful state where couples are grinding against each other) to neutral (roommate energy with no sexual charge) to actually polarized relationships. The key thing is polarity isn't about rigid roles or being alpha 100% of the time. It's about knowing how to evoke these energies to create attraction and keep chemistry alive long term. We need capacity for both masculine and feminine energies, and the wisdom to know when each serves the relationship.
What surprised a lot of guys I work with is that polarity doesn't have to follow traditional gender lines. I know men in my groups who naturally have more omega energy and thrive with alpha female partners. The work is about finding what genuinely nourishes you and your partner, not forcing yourself into a box.
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Jason Lange: Continually have to practice too. It's not like, oh, I did it once, we're good to go. It's no, I have to keep bringing this back in my nervous system, in my body, learning to work these different energies and learning honestly when it's appropriate even to polarize, and when it's not.
Melanie Curtin: Hi everyone. Happy New Year. Very exciting to be striding into 2026 with you. Thank you for being a listener. I wanted to mention that I make a mistake at the end of this episode and I tell you the wrong time for our upcoming masterclass on Polari. So if you are interested in that, the correct time is actually to 7pm Pacific Time next Thursday, January 7th and you can sign up for that at melaniecurtain.com masterclass sorry, slash polaritymasterclass. That's polarity masterclass. And if you're interested in supporting the podcast, you can also become a patron. You just go to Patreon Dear Men podcast. It'll come up right away and if you join at a 10amonth level or more, then you will get access, access to our live Q&As every month. And I wanted to mention that I'm going to be emailing all of you patrons about this month and next month's Patreon calls. This month will be, I believe the same date as usual of the third Wednesday and the next month might shift. So look out for that if you are a patron. And you can always get me@dearmen podcastmail.com and if you're new to the podcast, I'm planning on doing a little bit of a summary, a kind of hey, here's what's offered in this podcast and here are some, some gen genres, some, some places to start so you can look out for that. That'll be coming up soon. And polarity is definitely one of those big topics that we've tended to cover quite a bit. So I'm going to be putting together a few notes and a sort of summary overview of the podcast since we've been going for a while now and I think it'd be nice to have that for for new listeners. So thank you for listening. Can't wait to hear your thoughts on this and other episodes. You can always get me@dearman podcastmail.com hi everyone. Welcome to another Jason Lange episode and welcome to 2026. We are very excited that this is our first episode of the year and it's, it's a little bit personal. I think this one's a little bit personal. So thanks for being here with us. And welcome back to the podcast, Jason.
Jason Lange: Yeah, super stoked to be here. Here we go again.
Melanie Curtin: All right, so today we're talking about polarity. Why is polarity so critical to attraction? And we've done a number of episodes on polarity, which I will drop in the show notes. So don't worry, you don't have to remember all of them. But today we're going to be talking a little bit about things we've discussed in the past. And we're also going to be covering the three different types of polarity. I put types in quotes, but the three different genres of polarity that are pretty common in dating and long term relationships. And when we talk about attraction, when we're saying critical to attraction, we mean attraction both at the beginning of dating as well as in long term relationships. So wherever you are on the relationship spectrum, this will definitely be relevant to you. And let's get started. So, yeah, I thought before we kind of went into everything, it would be kind of fun to hear about where you learned about polarity first and how your grasp of it has shifted over the years. You, Jason?
Melanie Curtin: And if you are interested in learning more, we are teaching a masterclass on Polarity on January 7th. You can sign up for that at melaniecurtain.com polaritymasterclass. Polaritymasterclass. That's 90 minutes, right, Jason?
Jason Lange: Yes.
Melanie Curtin: Okay. Yeah. So next week, January 7th, we would love to have you. We're gonna be doing some more specific teach about polarity. We're going to be doing some fun exercises. Everyone is welcome. We would love to have you. Whether you are new to the podcast or you're one of our graduates, whoever you are, wherever you are, you are welcome. And I also wanted to say that, yeah, that sense of relaxing into an experience is one of the best ways to polarize someone, whoever they are, but especially if you're. If you're a man in relationship. And one quick example of that is we were on our weekly call for our program last night, and a man was talking about his perfect day, and he was describing being with his woman. And he said. And she said, what are our plans for the day? And he said, I have it all planned out. And I felt in that moment, oh, that is what I want. That is what I want in my relationship. I want a man who understands that that is polarizing. And that when I get to be on a ride with him, that he is taking me through, that he is guiding me on. I get to be my most radiant, excited, happ. Expressive self. And so that energy circuit you were talking about, Jason, I think is very relevant because the way that I show up there is different than when I'm thinking and I'm planning and I'm executing and I'm in my alpha. And when I'm in alpha, I'm in a different mode than when I'm in omega. So you can have the same person in different modes, and they're gonna look very different. And so what do you want to evoke in your partner? What do you want to. What do you want to have evoked in you? I think that's part of the. One of the central questions of polarity and one of the things that we will talk about in the master class. So we hope to see you there, and Happy New Year.
Jason Lange: D.
