I just wrapped up a conversation with Melanie Curtin on her show Dear Men, and we spent the whole hour digging into purpose. You know, the thing that keeps so many guys up at night.
What I loved about this talk was getting real about the pressure men feel around purpose. There's this obsession, particularly in the men's work world, with finding THE purpose. Like it's this mythical thing you discover one morning and then build your whole life around. I've felt that pressure myself, and I see it constantly in the men I work with.
We talked about the difference between purpose as a direction versus a mission. A mission is accomplishable, like building a million dollar company. But purpose is more of a compass, something you can move towards your entire life without ever fully arriving. That distinction has been huge for me. My version right now is training a billion warriors of the heart to wake up and connect people. I'll never actually do that, but it gives me direction. And suddenly everything I do, facilitating men's work, podcasting, creating films, they all fit under that umbrella.
The other piece we explored was how you actually discover this stuff. Not through endless meditation retreats, necessarily, but by trying different things. Going all in, even when it's not your deepest passion. I spent years as a caregiver for teenagers with autism, then in tech support. Neither was my life purpose, but I learned discipline, I learned about myself, and I started to see the thread. For me it was always about connection and awakening.
One thing that really landed was this idea that your deepest purpose often comes from your deepest pain. What you didn't get, you spend your life trying to create for others. That's been true for me around connection and belonging.
If you're stuck on purpose, start by asking people close to you where they see you most lit up. Spend time in silence and solitude. And then just try some shit. Go all in on what's available to you right now, even if it's not the thing. You'll learn about yourself in the process, and that thread will start to become clear.
If you're navigating this stuff and want support, check out what we're doing at Evolutionary Men. We work with men on exactly this kind of exploration.
