All right, and welcome back. I was on Melanie Curtin's show Dear Men talking about whether guys can have female friends when they're in a relationship. It's a question I get from a lot of men I work with, especially guys who are really concerned about their partner's well-being and want to do things right.
The short answer is yes, absolutely. I've always had female friends in my relationships. But here's the thing, it's very specific to your relationship. What matters most is having explicit conversations with your partner about what you're both comfortable with. Some women have been cheated on before and that history creates real sensitivities. You need to know your partner's story and be willing to talk openly about boundaries and agreements.
We also talked about the "leaky" versus "clean" dynamic. If there's unresolved attraction or you're getting emotional needs met outside your relationship that should be met inside it, that's when things get problematic. The question to ask yourself is, what am I actually getting from this friendship? Am I avoiding dealing with something missing in my primary relationship?
I mentioned how it's a two-way street. Whatever you're asking for, you need to be comfortable with your partner doing the same. If she wants to grab drinks with a guy friend on Friday night, can you handle that? That conversation is going to reveal a lot about where you both stand.
The ground for all of this is safety and trust. If you can't create that with your partner no matter what you do, that becomes something to examine. Maybe it's time to get some help, whether that's couples counseling or deeper work on your own patterns.
If you're navigating this stuff in your own relationship, I'd recommend checking out the free training at EvolutionaryMen.com/training. It walks through five shifts that apply whether you're single or in a relationship. And if you want to work with us directly, reach out. We have an incredible community of men doing this work together.
